10 Ways To Remain FriendZone Free

Never know too much about him
. Just ask most married couples. They know zilch about each other. (Knowing Gilbert liked He-Man before he told me he liked He-Man was my first mistake.)

Never go to an event clearly indicating a “Guys Outing”.
If you’re the only girl watching Monday Night Football in a packed bar with your crush and his friends, you’re dead in the water. (So apparently, if he asks you to be his field-trip partner, say NO.)

Don’t go out of your way to do everything to please him.
Not only does this solidify FriendZone, it also makes you a doormat and sisal looks bad on everyone. (No, Gilbert DeSilva, I will not help you make flash cards for words you have trouble reading and you can just go on and forget me saving you a seat at the lunch table, while you’re at it.)

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
(Next time, Gilbert DeSilva, I will happen to forget your birthday and will definitely not convince my mother to purchase as a gift for you the largest bottle of Nestle Quik on the face of the earth, just so you can invite me to your birthday along with Athena Collins.)

Cease all communication immediately upon meeting them.
(Unless it’s to whisper sweet nothings in their ear – because that apparently works and is followed by laughter and a game of tag through the playground.)

Be the true version of Y O U.
(You know what, Gilbert DeSilva? I don’t even like the Thundercats.)

Never let yourself be the shoulder to cry on or the listening ear.
If they’re venting to you about girls, consider yourself screwed. Or, I guess, not screwed. (The next time you bring up the name Athena Collins, I’m moving to a different seat on this bus.)

Be sexual.
Invade their space. Throw as many innuendos into the conversation as possible. Do this while also not being a stalker. (Steal their baseball cap, steal their heart.)

Suck up your pride and make it obvious friendship isn’t what you’re after.
Use your feminine wiles. Let them know how you feel. (Instead of writing Do You Like Me, Circle One, I should have written I Like You. Period.)

Perhaps the most important piece of advice? Never hang out with him with pants on. (…because it’s all about Athena’s pink denim skirt that goes with everything.)