girl-detective:

by GirlDetective

NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT—Hollywood star and ridiculously accomplished renaissance man, James Franco, expressed confusion this Wednesday as to why his famous peer, actor Ryan Gosling, was the subject of an increasingly absurd internet meme that relies on images of Gosling paired with academically inclined pick-up lines.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” said the befuddled 32-year-old thespian and graduate student. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Ryan’s a great guy. But he spends his spare time hanging out in Disneyland and eating ice cream. Do you know what I do in my spare time? I collect graduate degrees.”

Franco is currently getting a PhD in English at Yale University, and is also taking courses at the Rhode Island School of Design.

“Like, I saw this one blog called Feminist Ryan Gosling,” Franco continued, “and it was all about how gender is a social construct even though everyone likes to cuddle, and excuse me, but I totally fucking wrote a paper on post-feminist cuddling when I was at NYU. Ryan probably didn’t even get that joke. For serious; I tried to talk to him about feminist theory once at the Vanity Fair Oscar party and he didn’t even know who Bell Hooks was.”

Franco went on to say that while Gosling was “really fucking good in that one car movie” he doubted that the Canadian actor could match his expertise in other topics the meme had addressed, including Medieval History, Film Studies and Biostatistics, all of which are subjects in which Franco has advanced degrees.

“Even the Handmade Ryan Gosling blog really confuses me,” Franco added. “Does Ryan Gosling sell hand-stitched pashminas and crocheted baby blankets in his Etsy shop? No, I do.”

Still, Franco claims he’s not bitter about all of the attention that Gosling is getting.

“This whole meme thing has taught me a lot about creative appropriation and mutations of the public image, so I’m probably gonna go for my doctorate in Media Theory when I’m done with the PhD and the next Planet of the Apesmovie.”

As of press time, Franco had 14 advanced degrees and one certification in Submerged Arc Welding.